If Laughter is Healthy ?: Misconceptions of Men

Despite all the daytime talk show hoopla and the myriad books on the subject, this whole Venus vs. Mars philosophy about the differences between the sexes seems to have eluded most men. Unfortunately, they just don’t get it. Communication issues can almost always be attributed to this language barrier, and it usually boils down to a lack of comprehension on the part of the men. Here are ten facts about women that men just can’t seem to grasp:

The emotional factor – Women are driven more by emotion than by logic. Therefore a man cannot win an argument merely by being technically right. In fact, it is a study in futility to attempt to use reason when discussing a subject that has an emotional nature.
Using white lies – A woman values sincerity and good communication above all else. It is not, however, the occasion for honesty when she asks, “Do these jeans make my butt look too big?” There is only one answer to this question. It isn’t “yes”.
The catcall – As incredible as this might seem, women don’t instantly fall for guys who yell and whistle at them from moving vehicles. Try as you might, your catcalls and hand waving will be to no avail. These are not acceptable examples of public displays of affection.
The art of conversation – Women tend to enjoy extended conversations about deep topics, often using a multi-syllabic vocabulary. Grunts and hand gestures are for the most part not regarded as effective dialogue, despite men’s best efforts at making them so.
Bodily functions – Though there are some notable exceptions, for the vast majority of women fart noises aren’t generally considered to be the height of comedic genius. Go figure. Something to keep in mind when selecting a date movie.
Retail therapy – Women don’t just shop for things; they shop for therapy, for socializing, and for sales. Whereas a man might spend $10 for a $5 item that he really wants, a woman will buy a $10 item that she doesn’t even need if it’s on sale for five bucks.
Despite your best efforts, you will change – Men expect women to accept them as they are, and want them to never change. Women marry men with the intention of changing them, and expect men to accept that they will change too.
Silence isn’t golden – Those times of silence that men enjoy so much as periods of relaxation? Women regard them as breakdowns in communication, and wish that their men would talk out their issues more with them.
Intimate motivations – The old cliché is true: men use intimacy to gain sex with women, while women hope that sex will earn them intimacy with men. This dichotomy is never more apparent than in their polar opposite views about foreplay. Women expect a fair amount of it, while men believe that the aforementioned fart noises qualify for it.
The gay friend gets it – Men are often puzzled at how women can relate so well to, and enjoy the company of, their gay male friends. A woman’s gay friend gets all that love because, unlike other men she knows, he “gets” all of the above.